Uncle Archibald was a self-effacing, trusting man, too easily used by others. After he had dropped dead chasing a thief who stole his watch – and the rest of his time on earth- Brassens consoles himself with this fantasy about his death – swift, painless, humorous even, becoming a marriage which protects him eternally from the rogues and cheats who had exploited him throughout his life.
| 
Ô vous, les arracheurs de dents,(1) 
Tous les cafards, les charlatans,  
Les prophètes,  
Comptez plus sur Oncle Archibald  
Pour payer les violons du bal (2) 
À vos fêtes... (bis)  
En courant sus à un voleur  
Qui venait de lui chiper l'heure  
À sa montre,  
Oncle Archibald, - coquin de sort !(3) 
Fit, de Sa Majesté La Mort,  
La rencontre... (bis)  
Telle un' femm' de petit' vertu,  
Elle arpentait le trottoir du  
Cimetière,  
Aguichant(4) les homm's en troussant  
Un peu plus haut qu'il n'est décent 
Son suaire... (bis)  
Oncle Archibald, d'un ton gouailleur(5),  
Lui dit : "va-t'en fair' pendre ailleurs  
Ton squelette...  
Fi des femelles décharnées !  
Vive les bell's un tantinet(6)  
Rondelettes !" (bis)  
Lors, montant sur ses grands chevaux,(7) 
La mort brandit la longue faux  
D'agronome(8)  
Qu'elle serrait dans son linceul, 
Et faucha d'un seul coup, d'un seul, 
Le bonhomme... (bis)  
Comme il n'avait pas l'air content,  
Elle lui dit : "Ça fait longtemps 
Que je t'aime...  
Et notre hymen à tous les deux 
Était prévu depuis l' jour de  
Ton baptême... (bis) 
Si tu te couches dans mes bras,  
Alors la vie te semblera  
Plus facile... 
Tu y seras hors de portée  
Des chiens, des loups, des homm's et des  
Imbéciles... (bis) 
Nul n'y contestera tes droits, 
Tu pourras crier : viv' le roi ! (9) 
Sans intrigue... 
Si l'envie te prend de changer,  
Tu pourras crier sans danger  
Viv' la Ligue(10) ! (bis)  
Ton temps de dupe est révolu,(11)  
Personne ne se payera plus  
Sur ta bête(12). 
Les "Plaît-il, maître?" auront plus cours(13), 
Plus jamais tu n'auras à cour-  
-ber la tête..." (bis)  
Et mon oncle emboîta le pas  
De la bell', qui ne semblait pas,  
Si féroce...  
Et les voilà, bras d'ssus, bras d'ssous, 
Les voilà partis je n' sais où 
Fair' leurs noces... (bis) 
Ô vous, les arracheurs de dents 
Tous les cafards, les charlatans,  
Les prophètes,  
Comptez plus sur Oncle Archibald  
Pour payer les violons du bal  
À vos fêtes... (bis)  | 
Oh you, you bare-faced liars 
All the sneaks, all  the
  charlatans 
The psychics, 
Don’t count now on Archibald’s money 
To grab  for yourselves’n
  fritter away 
At y’r parties. (Repeat) 
While running after a thief 
Who’d just stolen his time of day 
On his watch 
Uncle Archibald- Goodness gracious!  
Met with Her Majesty Death 
Face to face. 
Like a woman of loose morals 
She was walking  the Cemetery  
Pavements  
Attracting the men by tucking 
A little higher than is decent  
The shroud she wore. 
Uncle Archibald, derisively 
Said to her “Go and hang it up elsewhere 
Y’er skeleton 
To hell with skinny females! 
Long live the beauties a bit 
On’t chubby side!  
Then, getting on her high horses 
Death brandished the long-bladed scythe 
Used by farmers. 
Which she held tightly in her shroud  
And cut down with a single stoke, 
   
The good fellow….. 
As he was looking none so pleased 
She said to him : « It’s been a  time  
That I’ve loved you 
And the nuptials for us both  
Were planned right back on the day that 
You were baptised. 
If you can lie down in my arms 
Then life will begin to seem to you  
Much easier 
Safe in there you’ll be out of reach 
Of dogs, of wolves, of men and of 
Imbeciles 
No-one will contest your rights there  
You can shout out: “Long live the King” :  
Quite openly…….  
If you feel like making a change 
You can shout out without danger 
Long live the League !(4) 
Your time as a dupe is over 
People won’t treat themselves anymore 
From your account.  
“May I,  master?” will end its
  usage  
Never again will you have to 
Bow your head. 
And my uncle followed on the heels  
Of the beauty, who did not seem 
So fierce 
And there the two linked, arm in arm  
There they were, gone, I know not where(6) 
To their wedding. 
Oh you, you bare-faced liars 
All the sneaks, all  the
  charlatans 
The psychics, 
Don’t count now on Archibald’s money 
To grab  for yourselves’n
  fritter away 
At y’r parties. (Repeat) | 
TRANSLATION NOTES
1.     
Mentir comme un arracheur de dents means to be a
barefaced liar
.
2.      payer
les violons du bal means to pay for something for which you get nothing.
3.      coquin
de sort – this is an oath that expresses shock or anger
4.      Aguichant
–Aguicher means (a) to seduce or to try to seduce (b) To excite, arouse ,
tickle
. 
5.      D’un
ton gouailleur means mockingly/derisively/ sardonically
6.      Un
tantinet is a familiar word to say a little or slightly
7.      montant
sur ses grands chevaux- because death is often drawn as a skeleton on a horse.
8.      Agronome means gardener/ farmer/
agriculturalist
9.     
The King and the League represent conflicting
political loyalties. It is a
reference to lines of La Fontaine: Le sage dit, selon les gens: Vive le Roi !
Vive la Ligue !
This refers to the civil
conflict in France in the 1580s, when the Duke de Guise led a league of
extremist Catholics to replace Henri III by the Cardinal de Bourbon.
10.   révolu   means completely over/ past/ disappeared
11.   If
people were broke and could not pay their bill, the person owed money would say
“Laissez-moi votre cheval. Je me paierai sur votre bête.
12.   N’auront
plus cours – One meaning of “le cours” is “currency” and so “avoir cours” means
“to be legal tender”  and figuratively it
means: “To be in use” 
13.  
As he is a sceptic, Brassens may not be too
certain about his belief in  the idea of heaven.
 
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